Couples who have a strong relationship and never lose their spark have many things in common, and that is why their love lasts a lifetime.
We all want our love life to last forever. Ten, maybe twenty years into the relationship, we want to turn to our lovers and feel the same things we felt the day we met them. We want to smile and blush and feel butterflies. That’s why we smile at photos of elderly couples still in love on Instagram and talk to our friends about them.
While it may seem like a far-fetched idea to want our love life to last a long time, it is very possible. It all depends on our partners and us too.
Are you looking for a partner? Or do you already have one and want to know what are the chances of both of you preserving your love? Here are fifteen things couples who never lose their spark have in common:
1. Core Values
Basically, we are the values we stand for. Our values are the ideas and beliefs that mean the most to us. Many of them are influenced by our environment and by our culture. Therefore, most of the time we would find it difficult to let them go, even when we get involved in a relationship. This can be a good thing.
Couples who never lose their spark, more often than not, share common personal values. They may not necessarily be believers in the same religion or supporters of the same government, but they will share core values.
For example, they will feel the same way about honesty. They will feel the same about life and respect for people and animals. In fact, it is the similarity of values that first makes people feel attracted to each other. If you meet someone who shows people love and respect for everyone, you will be attracted to him or her.
If your partner is as clean as you are, as religious as you are, etc., it is possible that both of you will keep the spark going for a long, long time.
2. Ability to communicate
Couples who never lose their spark overcome barriers to well communication. Imagine approaching a stranger and speaking to him in an unknown language, waving your arm from side to side as if looking for direction.
At first, this stranger might stare at the screen and even laugh as he struggles to understand what you mean by looking at your features and body language. But eventually, he will get tired and walk away from you because you are creepy and not fun to be around.
Now imagine seeing another stranger. Only this one doesn’t look much like the first one. This one speaks your language. In fact, he’s the only one around here who speaks the language. He has been trying to find a particular place, but he can’t seem to talk to the locals.
Suddenly you walk up to him and speak his language. Just a hello, and he would turn to you, suddenly excited, suddenly peeking out. Finally! Someone you can communicate with.
This is exactly when we meet someone who understands us and communicates with us in the language we understand. We feel loved by them, and our spark keeps going out.
The couples that last a long time are the ones that have learned to talk to each other in a common language. This has been described as a love language. We all have different love languages. For some, the language of love is time. For others, it is touch. For another group, it’s words of service and then hugs.
Good communication makes couples feel loved and appreciated. It helps build trust and keeps the relationship healthy. Unhealthy relationships have a problem with communication. But relationships that are healthy are not.
3. Conflict resolution
Expecting to spend years and years with your partner and having no conflict is like expecting a dragon to appear in your garden one morning and tell you that it is your Uber driver. It is closer to the impossible than the idea that one day we will all grow wings and fly.
You and your partner are two different people. One day, no matter how hard you try to run away from it, both values will collide and a conflict will break out. It may be a little conflict. It can be a big one. Whichever the case, it is the methods of both of you to deal with it that point towards the health of the relationship.
The people who are most likely to lose the spark allow conflicts to flourish. They turn little things into a serious attack. That’s why something so small comes along and destroys what they must have been building for many years.
On the other hand, people who don’t lose their spark share a common ability to resolve conflict. They know when to back off and when to continue. When to listen and when to speak. They don’t play blame games or try to fool each other.
They have a goal; solve the problem, no matter what.
4. Interest and value in the relationship
It’s one thing to be interested in each other. And another is to be very interested in the relationship that both share.
Couples who don’t lose the spark are very interested in their relationship because it means a lot to them. They do not seek an escape from the smallest inconvenience. They realize how much the relationship means to them and fight for it even when things get out of hand.
When we value our relationships, we won’t do things that threaten to destroy them. And even when we do these things unknowingly, we’ll apologize and go back to being amazing.
5. Respect for the values of others
Although we are more likely to share core values with our partners, there will be values that do not exactly match.
For example, a husband may not see anything wrong with playing video games late at night; it may be his way of clearing his head. But his wife might have a problem with that.
In couples that are unlikely to lose their spark, they will learn to respect each other’s values. They will shrug their shoulders and harbor no resentment. They are happy as long as their partner is happy.
Partners who won’t lose the spark don’t just respect each other’s values. Many times, they learn to compromise. Not because they are weak and have no voice. But rather because they respect their partners.
It takes great respect for a person to make concessions for them. Commitment has a two-way effect: it makes you feel good and it makes your partner love you more.
Accept your partner as he is; don’t belittle your beliefs and values just as your own beliefs mean a lot to you; theirs also mean a lot to them.
Couples who don’t lose their spark must have learned to forgive each other. People make mistakes, and we are people, so we make mistakes too. A simple apology does the trick.
Unforgiveness is fertile ground for resentment to grow, and resentment is very powerful in taking the spark out of relationships. It progressively kills the spark. Slowly, a relationship that must have started off pretty well becomes a shadow of what it once was. It becomes nothing like it used to be.
If you’re looking to keep the spark in your relationship, apologize when you’re wrong and learn to accept your partner’s apologies when they hurt you.
Forgive and let go. Don’t fall into the trap of using your partner’s past mistakes against them.
Many of us are quite afraid of being vulnerable. So, we had our feelings and tried to project a force that most of the time is out of our reach.
This rarely happens with couples who don’t lose their spark. They are not afraid to strip naked and let the other enjoy the vulnerability that love brings.
What is love but an opportunity to be vulnerable? Can you really say you’re in love if vulnerability scares you? If your deepest feelings are hidden and you don’t feel good enough when you express them?
Healthy relationships are built on trust and are preserved through trust. Couples who don’t lose their spark are couples who have learned to trust each other.
You will rarely find them going through each other’s phones or trying to track each other down. They will not accuse each other of cheating. And even when they suspect it, they will talk to each other.
Lack of trust causes people to adopt attitudes that could jeopardize the relationship. And they can even make their partners feel caged. Trust your partner. Know that they love you and will not want to hurt you.
Most of the time, couples who don’t lose their spark share a common need for physical intimacy, especially if sex means a lot to them.
Photo by Katherine Hanlon on Unsplash