The 7 Types Of Cheaters – And Why They Cheat

Is the definition of a cheater as simple as “someone who has sex outside of a relationship”? No, it is much more complex. There are various types of cheaters and the reason why they cheat varies from one type to another.

It could be narcissism or entitlement, or it could be boredom or low self-esteem, people who cheat are motivated by different reasons, depending on the personality types of the cheaters. Some people cheat because they consider it a game and others cheat because they have a guarantee of confidentiality and are not afraid of getting caught.

Some cheat because they fear intimacy, and others cheat because of unmet emotional or physical needs in their current relationship or marriage. Also, many people cheat just because lying gives them a kick or because they can’t adjust to the idea of ​​monogamy and want variety.

reminds me of the movie Last night, which deals with the inner workings of a marriage in which both spouses are tempted by different forms of infidelity when they spend a night apart after a fight. But what are these different forms of infidelity? Let’s dive into cheat types.

The 7 types of cheaters and why they cheat

Psychotherapist Esther Perel points out: “Today, the reason for divorce is not that people are unhappy, but that they feel they can be happier. We live in a time when leaving is not a shame. But staying longer when you can leave is the new shame.

“But if divorce or breakup is no longer ridiculed, why are people still cheating? Perhaps a shocking incident like the death of a loved one shakes them up and forces them to ask questions about their own relationship or marriage. Questions are asked like… Is this it? Is there more to life? Will I ever feel love again? Do I have to continue for another 25 years like this?”

Related reading: When is the time to get divorced? Probably when you see these 13 signs

As Esther points out, infidelity is much more complex and entrenched than it appears on the surface. So, in order to understand the reasons behind cheating, it becomes essential for us to understand the different types of cheaters:

1. Self-destructive

Someone who constantly sabotages himself is first on the list of types of cheaters. He/she is too afraid to break up, so he ends up doing things that would force her partner to leave him. Subconsciously, this type of cheater fears rejection and therefore pushes the partner away from him. Also, they regularly cause drama in the relationship so that their partner constantly reassures them.

Additionally, they have a deep fear that their independence will be compromised in a committed relationship. So, in order to feel free or liberated enough, they resort to self-destructive behaviors like cheating.

Why do they cheat? It may be a lack of courage or the fear of being abandoned. The moment things start to deepen in a relationship, the fear of these types of cheaters takes over and they go into self-destruct mode. They may have an insecure attachment style.

2. Types of cheaters – The wounded

Why does an unfaithful person show no remorse? It reminds me of Kris Jenner, who had cheated on her husband, Robert Kardashian. Referring to the boy she had cheated on her with, she confessed in her book: “She kissed me and I kissed her back… I haven’t been kissed like this in 10 years. She made me feel young, attractive, sexy and alive. Along with these feelings came a wave of nausea. In fact, she wanted to throw up at the same time. Because I realized that she hadn’t felt this way around Robert for years.”

This type of deception is rooted in lack of love and childhood trauma. ‘Wounded’ cheaters are those who have fallen out of love with their partners. They cheat not because they just want sex, but mostly for attention, importance, and a sense of being special.

Related reading: 9 psychological facts about cheating: busting the myths

For example, Carol was tired of doing what was always expected of her. She was tired of being a good mother, a good wife, and a good daughter. She just wanted the adolescence that she never had. She wanted to feel alive. She wasn’t looking for someone else, she was just looking for another me. That is why she resorted to deception.

3. Serial cheaters

Serial cheaters are compulsive liars. The phrase, “once a cheat, always a repeater,” applies to them. Among the different types of cheaters, there are those who have the skill, practice and experience to avoid getting caught. They are constantly texting other people, swiping dating apps, and engaging in hookups.

Why do they cheat? Having variety brings them excitement and adrenaline. Their commitment issues are so ingrained and their self-esteem so crumbling that they fill in that ambiguity and incompleteness by doing something that is ‘forbidden’. To avoid feeling what they feel, they keep wanting what they can’t have. They almost enjoy being rebellious and breaking the rules.

In fact, one study says that getting away with cheating makes people feel good. It’s called the “cheater’s high.” Doing something that is unethical and prohibited makes people put their “want” self before their “should” self. Therefore, their entire focus is on immediate reward and giving in to short-term desires, rather than long-term consequences such as diminished self-image or reputational risk.

People enjoy the thrill of cheating because they focus on the immediate rewards.

4. The vindictive type

Is revenge a thing? Yes. People do the strangest things to seek revenge. In fact, comedian Tiffany Haddish admitted: “My boyfriend cheated on me in a video on my birthday. I felt like he had pooped on my soul, so I decided to poop on the soles of his shoes.”

If people defecate in tennis for revenge, it’s no wonder they cheat for revenge, right? Someone who cheats out of revenge is one of the cosmopolitan types of cheaters. In fact, my friend Serena’s partner cheated on her and she slept with her best friend to get back at him.

Serena resorted to infidelity in retaliation to give her partner a taste of his own medicine. In her head, she justified it because she wanted to make him feel like she had felt betrayed. This type of cheater acts out of anger and an ‘eye for an eye’ attitude.

Related reading: 5 confessions of people who had revenge sex

5. The emotional cheater is one of the types of cheaters.

What are the signs that an affair is turning into love? American singer Jessica Simpson confessed in her memoirs Open book who had an emotional affair with co-star Johnny Knoxville, during her marriage to Nick Lachey. She wrote: “I was able to share my deepest authentic thoughts with him and he didn’t roll his eyes. In fact, he liked that I was smart and accepted my vulnerabilities.

“First of all, we were both married, so this wasn’t going to get physical. But for me, an emotional affair was worse than a physical one. It’s funny, I know, because I had put so much emphasis on sex by not having it before marriage. After having sex, I understood that the emotional part was what mattered…Johnny and I had that, which seemed much more like a betrayal of my marriage than the sex.”

As she pointed out, an emotional affair begins as a friendship outside of a relationship or marriage, but then develops into a deeper intimate connection that involves long, vulnerable conversations. It may or may not lead to a physical adventure.

Why do people resort to emotional infidelity? Perhaps because they feel alone and unheard in their relationship or marriage. Emotional cheaters could be one of the cosmopolitan types of cheaters with emotionally unavailable spouses or workaholics.

6. Unusually high sex drive and low self-control

Haruki Murakami writes in his novel, Hard wonderland and the end of the world, “The decent energy of the sex drive. You can’t argue about that. Keep the sex drive bottled up inside and you will become a fool. Throw your whole body out of control. It has the same for men and for women.”

So having sexual desire is not necessarily a bad thing. In fact, a study indicates that not all people with strong sexual desires are prone to infidelity. But, those with low self-control are more likely to cheat.

personality types of cheaters

7. Cheating online

Finally, last on the list of types of cheaters are those who engage in online affairs. It could be sending direct messages on Instagram, posting comments on Facebook, or swiping and sending nudes on Tinder to strangers. They may or may not carry this forward into real life.

In fact, one study found that of 183 adults who were in a relationship, more than 10% had formed intimate relationships online, 8% had experienced cybersex, and 6% had met their online partners in person. More than half of the sample believed that an online relationship constituted infidelity, with the numbers rising to 71% for cybersex and 82% for in-person meetings.

So those who engage in cyber matters definitely constitute the cheater types. Why do they cheat? It could be low self-esteem and the need to be validated. Or it could be boredom or a tendency to attract attention.

Finally, Esther Perel in her TED talk Rethinking Infidelity…a talk for anyone who has ever loved emphasizes: “At the heart of an affair lies a yearning and longing for emotional connection, novelty, freedom, autonomy, sexual intensity, a desire to reclaim lost parts of ourselves, and an attempt to regain vitality in the face of loss and uncertainty.” tragedy. ”

Regardless of the types of cheaters and whatever the reason behind the infidelity, the guilt of cheating and the trauma of being cheated on cause a lot of emotional damage. Healing and regaining confidence can be an uphill task that may require professional help. Our Bonobology panel advisors can help you with this. Feel free to contact them.

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